Today it hit me. I'm an adult. I reacted just as if a balloon was popped right by my head. I jumped a little and was still a little shaken up afterward. I mean, I know age wise I'm an adult. But applying for a "grown up" job and having "grown up" responsibilities is just crazy and still a little foreign to me. It's a humbling realization. Don't get me wrong, I'm not terrified, but I for sure understand the weight of the term, "adult." And to think that I am now one just takes my breath away from time to time.
Also, realizing that I've changed so much in the past year almost knocks me on my feet. Some good, some, not necessarily bad, just not where I want to be. In some areas I've almost taken a few steps back, where in other areas I've taken leaps forward. Overall though, I'm not satisfied. That's a good thing. I think it's a bad thing when one becomes content with a certain lifestyle. Especially if one knows what it could be like or should be like.
I've got goals for the next year. And I plan on, for once, doing everything within my power to accomplish said goals. Let's see how this goes.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
when you feel like you're done....
and the darkness has won. babe you're not lost.
i know it's been a while. pretty much this year has not happened like i thought that i would. not at all. well, with the exception of the amazing house that i call home now. but, other than that, nothing is as i thought it would. which is kinda disappointing, especially for someone who likes to plan junk out.
but alas, there's nothing i can do. the things that are out of my control, are just that. they are out of my control. i can't do anything about them. they are beyond my reach. it's like they are the cookie jar on the very top shelf, and no matter how far i stretch and tippy-toe, i won't ever be able to reach them. i need to get off my little step ladder and settle for the strawberries that are in the fridge. because even though they aren't the rainbow chocolate chip cookies that i crave so badly, the strawberries aren't too shabby.
does that even make sense?
ah, the wonderful ramblings of me. i do enjoy them.
i know it's been a while. pretty much this year has not happened like i thought that i would. not at all. well, with the exception of the amazing house that i call home now. but, other than that, nothing is as i thought it would. which is kinda disappointing, especially for someone who likes to plan junk out.
but alas, there's nothing i can do. the things that are out of my control, are just that. they are out of my control. i can't do anything about them. they are beyond my reach. it's like they are the cookie jar on the very top shelf, and no matter how far i stretch and tippy-toe, i won't ever be able to reach them. i need to get off my little step ladder and settle for the strawberries that are in the fridge. because even though they aren't the rainbow chocolate chip cookies that i crave so badly, the strawberries aren't too shabby.
does that even make sense?
ah, the wonderful ramblings of me. i do enjoy them.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
A day without shoes...
It's long, I know...But try and read the whole thing?
So the other day hundreds of people went without shoes, myself included. It was to raise awareness about those around the world who don't have shoes. Simple. I was among these hundred. Now, whether it brought awareness to those around me, I can't say. I had a few people ask me why I was barefoot, or they had seen others around campus and was wondering was going on. So, I was able to tell them why there were people around campus barefoot. It was pretty sweet.
As I walked out of my dorm room, I had a feeling of excitement. Of freedom. I was also pretty nervous. What were people going to think of me? I know it sounds vain, but it was just a thought that creeped into my thoughts. But that thought quickly gave way to a feeling that I wasn't prepared for...freedom. It felt so good to walk around barefoot. The way the ground felt cool under my feet was a relaxing feeling. I didn't feel constrained. I didn't feel bound by shoes. It was uplifting almost.
But quickly, and very quickly, the feeling of freedom soon turned to discomfort. Just a little. Not enough to put a damper on the freedom I was feeling, but I felt it creeping in. By the time I walked across campus and to my first class (which was canceled) I was in some pain. The ground wasn't smooth, it was like little pebbles and there were tiny branches and sticks that I kept stepping on. So this freedom that I was feeling eventually turned into pain and discomfort. The freedom was gone and the pain took it's place.
My friend kept telling me that my feet were too soft and not rough like they should be. And she was probably right. After looking at the bottom of my feet, not only were they completely black, they were cut up and had blisters already. And mind you, I had only been barefoot for maybe 30 minutes. Tops. Ha.
By the end of the day, I was almost limping. My feet were raw, hard, black, dirty, and in lots of pain. So, you may ask, why not just put shoes on? Don't think I didn't think about it. I had some sandals in my backpack (i had to work and i wasn't sure if they were going to let me walk around barefoot, regardless of the cause, but they did. so all is well) and i wanted nothing more then to put them on and ease the discomfort that my feet were feeling. But that would have defeated the entire purpose. Those who have no shoes, don't have the option of taking a pair of shoes out of their bag and putting them on. They. Don't. Have. A. Pair. Of. Shoes. Period. Not at all.
At the end of the day, I wanted nothing more than to soak my feet and scrub them clean. Alas, the time came when I coudl do so. And while doing so, I began to weep. Not a little sob here, but a full on cry fest. I was so humbled at the ability of being able to clean my feet. Not only did God serve me a slice of humble pie, he baked me a 3-tier cake and told me to eat.
Not only did I have the ability to wash and cleanse my feet, not only did I have clothes on my back, not only did I have a bed to sleep in, not only did I have a roof over my head, not only did I have food in my stomach; but I had shoes to put on my feet. Something so simple that I take for granted. I take all of these things, everyday for granted. Without a thought, I know I can walk over to the sink and pour myself a glass of water. Without a thought, I know that I can crawl into my bed and lay my head on my pillow and cover myself with my warm blankets. Without a though. Without a doubt, I know that I can put a pair of shoes on my feet and not have to worry about all kinds of bacteria that I can pick up by walking barefoot.
I have so much. So very much. But instead of being thankful for all that I do have, I worry about things that I shouldn't. Worry about not having the right pair of shoes to wear, the right sweater that goes with the outfit, the right kind of shampoo that won't dry out my hair. How? How can I sit here and worry about those trivial things, when there are those out there who have so much less than I do? Who worry, instead of not knowing where to go out to eat,but worry about when they are going to receive their next meal instead.
Sure, I may have some important worries in my life. Where am I going to get the money that I need for school, or how I'm going to pay this bill this month, or how I'm going to make that certain payment this month, but that all seems so small compared to the fact that I have shoes. A simple thing like shoes.
For some, going without shoes for a day, it was all about showing that you care about others around the world. Or maybe to say that you wear and support TOMS, and that's all grand, and I'm glad that people support that cause. Couldn't be happier. But for me, a day without shoes was mind opening. It caused a paradigm shift. It was a; eye-opening, mind blowing, and humbling experience.
If you went without shoes for a day, or without anything else for any amount of time, what did it mean for you? For me, it meant re-evaluating a lot in my thoughts, in my stresses, and in my life.
So the other day hundreds of people went without shoes, myself included. It was to raise awareness about those around the world who don't have shoes. Simple. I was among these hundred. Now, whether it brought awareness to those around me, I can't say. I had a few people ask me why I was barefoot, or they had seen others around campus and was wondering was going on. So, I was able to tell them why there were people around campus barefoot. It was pretty sweet.
As I walked out of my dorm room, I had a feeling of excitement. Of freedom. I was also pretty nervous. What were people going to think of me? I know it sounds vain, but it was just a thought that creeped into my thoughts. But that thought quickly gave way to a feeling that I wasn't prepared for...freedom. It felt so good to walk around barefoot. The way the ground felt cool under my feet was a relaxing feeling. I didn't feel constrained. I didn't feel bound by shoes. It was uplifting almost.
But quickly, and very quickly, the feeling of freedom soon turned to discomfort. Just a little. Not enough to put a damper on the freedom I was feeling, but I felt it creeping in. By the time I walked across campus and to my first class (which was canceled) I was in some pain. The ground wasn't smooth, it was like little pebbles and there were tiny branches and sticks that I kept stepping on. So this freedom that I was feeling eventually turned into pain and discomfort. The freedom was gone and the pain took it's place.
My friend kept telling me that my feet were too soft and not rough like they should be. And she was probably right. After looking at the bottom of my feet, not only were they completely black, they were cut up and had blisters already. And mind you, I had only been barefoot for maybe 30 minutes. Tops. Ha.
By the end of the day, I was almost limping. My feet were raw, hard, black, dirty, and in lots of pain. So, you may ask, why not just put shoes on? Don't think I didn't think about it. I had some sandals in my backpack (i had to work and i wasn't sure if they were going to let me walk around barefoot, regardless of the cause, but they did. so all is well) and i wanted nothing more then to put them on and ease the discomfort that my feet were feeling. But that would have defeated the entire purpose. Those who have no shoes, don't have the option of taking a pair of shoes out of their bag and putting them on. They. Don't. Have. A. Pair. Of. Shoes. Period. Not at all.
At the end of the day, I wanted nothing more than to soak my feet and scrub them clean. Alas, the time came when I coudl do so. And while doing so, I began to weep. Not a little sob here, but a full on cry fest. I was so humbled at the ability of being able to clean my feet. Not only did God serve me a slice of humble pie, he baked me a 3-tier cake and told me to eat.
Not only did I have the ability to wash and cleanse my feet, not only did I have clothes on my back, not only did I have a bed to sleep in, not only did I have a roof over my head, not only did I have food in my stomach; but I had shoes to put on my feet. Something so simple that I take for granted. I take all of these things, everyday for granted. Without a thought, I know I can walk over to the sink and pour myself a glass of water. Without a thought, I know that I can crawl into my bed and lay my head on my pillow and cover myself with my warm blankets. Without a though. Without a doubt, I know that I can put a pair of shoes on my feet and not have to worry about all kinds of bacteria that I can pick up by walking barefoot.
I have so much. So very much. But instead of being thankful for all that I do have, I worry about things that I shouldn't. Worry about not having the right pair of shoes to wear, the right sweater that goes with the outfit, the right kind of shampoo that won't dry out my hair. How? How can I sit here and worry about those trivial things, when there are those out there who have so much less than I do? Who worry, instead of not knowing where to go out to eat,but worry about when they are going to receive their next meal instead.
Sure, I may have some important worries in my life. Where am I going to get the money that I need for school, or how I'm going to pay this bill this month, or how I'm going to make that certain payment this month, but that all seems so small compared to the fact that I have shoes. A simple thing like shoes.
For some, going without shoes for a day, it was all about showing that you care about others around the world. Or maybe to say that you wear and support TOMS, and that's all grand, and I'm glad that people support that cause. Couldn't be happier. But for me, a day without shoes was mind opening. It caused a paradigm shift. It was a; eye-opening, mind blowing, and humbling experience.
If you went without shoes for a day, or without anything else for any amount of time, what did it mean for you? For me, it meant re-evaluating a lot in my thoughts, in my stresses, and in my life.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Calm before the storm
There is nothing more beautiful to me then a storm. When the sky begins to darken, even though it should still be light out. When the light breeze that was blowing earlier, turns into a strong wind that dropped a few degrees. When you hear the first faint rumble of thunder in the distance. This is my favorite moment. A time when I can sit by the window, with the blinds pulled up. Watching as the storm moves in. There is nothing like it.
There is a peace right before it hits. Where all seems to stop. The only thing that you see is the evidence of the wind. The only thing you feel is the chill that runs up your spine. And before you know the rain begins to fall from the heavens. At that point everything seems to be moving in slow motion. You watch as the first raindrop falls and hits the pavement. After that, you're pulled back into reality and you can enjoy the show that is being put on for you by nature.
When I was younger the nursery rhyme that told the "rain to go away, come back another day," was probably the most annoying thing for me to hear. Why would anyone wish the rain to go away? Who doesn't enjoy the sound of rain as it taps on your window as if wanting to be let in? I love the rain. I love storms. Whoever told the rain to go away, had it all wrong. They clearly didn't appreciate it for what it is. The rain is a transition. It brings with it life, and a sense of newness.
There is a peace right before it hits. Where all seems to stop. The only thing that you see is the evidence of the wind. The only thing you feel is the chill that runs up your spine. And before you know the rain begins to fall from the heavens. At that point everything seems to be moving in slow motion. You watch as the first raindrop falls and hits the pavement. After that, you're pulled back into reality and you can enjoy the show that is being put on for you by nature.
When I was younger the nursery rhyme that told the "rain to go away, come back another day," was probably the most annoying thing for me to hear. Why would anyone wish the rain to go away? Who doesn't enjoy the sound of rain as it taps on your window as if wanting to be let in? I love the rain. I love storms. Whoever told the rain to go away, had it all wrong. They clearly didn't appreciate it for what it is. The rain is a transition. It brings with it life, and a sense of newness.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Hi. My name is.....
So, I had to start a new blog because I couldn't remember my login information for my other one. Is that sad or what? Geesh! How sad is that? Seriously. Haha. I can't even remember what my login information is. Wow.
I enjoy meeting new people. I thrive on meeting new people. Especially when said person and I don't get along right away. You know the kind I'm talking about, the kind where it takes effort to connect. It takes you trying to adjust to them, to figure them out. See what they are or aren't comfortable with. Those are the people that I enjoy most meeting.
Don't get me wrong. I love meeting people that I automatically click with. They make my life easy. Make me feel like I'm not as weird as I thought I was. But there's just something about the ones that I don't click with right away. It's not really a challenge thing. I think it's more about me having to grow and get out of my comfort zone. Not to say, that I wouldn't be myself, that's not it. It's just me having to adapt. Adapt to other people. I like it. I thrive on it. I enjoy it. I embrace it.
-bp
I enjoy meeting new people. I thrive on meeting new people. Especially when said person and I don't get along right away. You know the kind I'm talking about, the kind where it takes effort to connect. It takes you trying to adjust to them, to figure them out. See what they are or aren't comfortable with. Those are the people that I enjoy most meeting.
Don't get me wrong. I love meeting people that I automatically click with. They make my life easy. Make me feel like I'm not as weird as I thought I was. But there's just something about the ones that I don't click with right away. It's not really a challenge thing. I think it's more about me having to grow and get out of my comfort zone. Not to say, that I wouldn't be myself, that's not it. It's just me having to adapt. Adapt to other people. I like it. I thrive on it. I enjoy it. I embrace it.
-bp
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